finding a voice in an uncertain world

So I'm totally wasting time that I don't have to do this meme.  I always miss it when it comes around, but I always want to do it, so I'm nicking this one from rowan_d, and saying the hell with not having time.

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line(s) from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song. (Skip the instrumentals, the remixes and the mashups)
Step 3: Let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

1. "Don't chase ghosts, don't get too close."

2. "The summer days are gone too soon."

3. "I'm gonna ask you so you understand…what you done with your time?"

4. "The Atlantic was born today and I'll tell you how."

5. "They say an end can be a start."

6. " Remember the weight of the world, it’s a sound that we used to buy."

7. " Don't know why I'm still afraid--if you weren't real I would make you up."

8. "She's reformed, just like the neighbor's girl."

9. "Helping the kids out of their coats, but wait the babies haven't been born."

10. "Cover me with kisses, baby, cover me with love."

11. "I feel like a quote out of context withholding the rest."

12. "Boy, you're gonna carry that weight a long time."

13. "I'm the singer, I'm the singer in the band. You're the loser, I won't dismiss you out of hand."

14. "No one seems to be around today."

15. "Heaven, I need a drug, her eyes are all but fixed on her coffee cup."

16. " When winter comes along these shores, Old Hollywood we're knocking down."

17. "I'm coming up only to hold you under."

18. "I feel the room surround me with possibility."

19. "On the bus, that's where we're ridin'."

20. " Well, I walked over the bridge into the city where I live and I saw my old landlord."

Happy Birthday to siggy63!

(I realize it's late across the pond, but it's still February 19th for another hour over here!) 

I hope your day was simply fabulous!

Some quick birthday wishes before I forget...
Happy belated birthday to roothekittykat!
I hope your day was great!

And happy birthday to rachel_wilder!
Hope you're having a fabulous one!

Wishing a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to rowan_d

I hope your day is wonderful and fabulous and filled with surprises!  Enjoy it to the fullest!

And on a brighter note,

Happy Birthday to lisaalvarado!!!

Lisa, I hope you have a fabulous day and a bright year to come filled with all the blessings you deserve!

I've been busy over the last few days and happened to turn on my laptop last night only to find out about Sallie's passing this weekend.  I just want to extend my deepest sympathies to her family and the many people on my flist who knew her much, much better than I did. 

Sallie was such a joyous presence on the BtS boards and in the XF fandom community at large.  I have fond memories of the support and encouragement she offered to everyone with whom she came into contact, as well as her sparkling humor and generous spirit.  She was as quick with a prayer as she was with a kind feedback email.  Still, when I think about all the lives she was able to touch because of the online community, it makes me believe in the real magic of the Internet to bring people together.  Sallie, you will be missed by many.

Well, my Harry Potter weekend has drawn to a close.  Saw "Order of the Phoenix" on Friday night, paced like a restless idiot until the Book came Saturday afternoon, was thrilled by the adorable Amazon packaging ("Attention Muggles---do not open until July 21!")  read voraciously off and on while trying to still be at least a semblance of a mother and wife, and finished before midnight last night. My husband is certain that I'm finally completely and utterly insane, and my daughters, who aren't quite ready for the later HP books, have pestered me relentlessly for spoilers.  (Those 7-year old spoiler hounds---they're persistent!)

And I didn't skip to the end to peek for once in my life.  Not once.  Aside from some nervous checking of my Amazon account and tracking my package early Saturday afternoon, I stayed off the Internet and blissfully unaware of any spoilers.  This is a level of literary patience and self-control I didn't know I possessed, although evidently not enough control to stretch out the experience of the Last Book.  But I don't care---we all waited years for the end, why torture myself any longer?

It's still way too early to post anything about content.  I will say that I was thrilled to pieces with the OotP film, despite the inevitable condensing, and couldn't stop thinking about it all Friday night.  As for the book, for now I will say only that J.K. Rowling has honored her readers by giving us a well-told tale, and I will be pleased to introduce my daughters to the rest of this wonderful series as soon as they are ready.

Happy (slightly) early birthday to roseyniswitrin!!!  Wishing you a great day in advance, since I may not make it to the computer tomorrow.  Have a great holiday and wonderful birthday!

Not much new today.

It still feels like late winter here. Still have annoying allergies. There's still an ongoing drama with my husband's job that is feeding my headache. But all this will pass.

But I did have a lovely Mother's Day that was shared with friends and family this past weekend. Even though the weather did not lend itself to the outdoor activities we had planned, we still had a very nice gathering and all the mothers felt loved, which is the way it should be.

As work as been slow this week, I wrote fic yesterday in one of my more bored moments. I'm really trying to seize on those windows of time when I can write, and actually accomplish something. Although I would have preferred it to be toward one of my RL fic projects---or even the XF WIP that's been dangling for far too long---what came out was a short "Firefly" fic.

I wasn't exactly looking for another fandom, but it seems that "Firefly" has jumped up and grabbed me. Although I've been dabbling here and there, reading bits of fic (and even writing a snippet or two for SG-1) for SG-1, BSG, and the occasional Harry Potter (the fine work of toniann being a prime HP example), nothing has engaged me to the point of actively participating in another fandom since XF. But these characters are rich and full with lots of room for speculation, and there's a nice mix of angst, humor, and crackling dialogue that appeals to me.

This was for a prompt at a Firefly challenge community, ff_friday, and I actually took the plunge and posted. If you're a Firefly fan and you've seen the Big Damn Movie ::spoiler alert!!::, I'd love to share it with you. I've posted it in a new journal, jadehawthorne (using another pen name that I used for short vignettes in the XF fandom) that I've designated for Firefly fic, should I decide to write more of it. I'll also post it here behind the cut, if you're interested. We'll see where this leads...

( Marking Time )

Just bits of randomness today…

Just went to the greenhouse and bought Boston ferns for my front porch and lots of herbs to add to my herb garden. What I've called a "vegetable" garden is officially turning into a full-fledged herb garden this year, since those grow so much better than the veggies. I have healthy crops of oregano, thyme, sage, chives, and lavender already, so I'm adding Italian parsley, tarragon, lemon balm, and chervil to the usual dill and basil annuals that I buy every year.

Gardening always gets me excited about summer. I love planting and using what I grow, but I detest mulching, weeding, and all the upkeep---then again, don't we all?

Well, except for my mother… she loves it all. Can't get enough of it. She's a teacher, so she has all summer to putter around, weeding, watering, fertilizing, and planting more and more and more. My parents' house looks like a Better Homes and Gardens spread to the nth degree. My husband questions whether there's an addiction at play, and I have to say that he has a point, having spent the better part of my childhood summers shoveling and spreading mulch for my mom.

But anyway, I don't have that kind of time. And last year, I finally realized that I needed to do only the kind of gardening that was in my grasp, and that's turned out to be perennials in my flower beds, a modest herb/vegetable garden, and lots of potted plants on my porch and deck. And I enjoy that. :) But with my childhood gardening imprinting, I have to fight back those epic garden aspirations every single spring.

And in other news, I'm going to be an aunt again! My sister is pregnant with her second child and is due to deliver in December. That will make four December babies in our family, with my girls, her son, and the new one. Good grief! We'd best just declare it Party Month.

But I'm excited about another baby to cuddle. The girls are beside themselves, unlike when their first cousin was born, when they regarded the little wrinkled bundle with suspicion and winced every time I said, "What a sweet little baby!" The other day they told me that they would really like to have a baby sister or brother, and I watched DH squirm. (Now, in a perfect world---you know, one where I had plenty of disposable income and never had to work again---I would totally have another one. This is not that world, however. And besides, as cute and wonderful as babies are, I'm really enjoying the way my girls are developing into lovely little human beings, and I'm grateful that I can focus on that.) So I nodded at them, and smiled, and said, "That would be wonderful, wouldn't it, girls?" while their father squirmed some more, lost in memories of waking up to squalling infants on a two-hour nursing schedule.

Had a nice time going out of town Saturday night. My brother's band, Goodbye Sonsplayed a show in Murfreesboro (which is very near Nashville), and it was the first show they've played in a college town---so it was a big deal that they were actually reaching their desired demographic! DH and I volunteered to sell T-shirts and CDs for them, for which they were very grateful. The show turned out great! They rocked the house and kept it packed from 10:30 till 1:30, which was really terrific for a relatively unknown group. I'm hoping we can get them booked for a lot more shows around the area this summer.

I've had time to watch a few things over the past week. Absolutely fell in love with HBO's "Elizabeth I". Helen Mirren is a goddess, just a goddess! If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend catching it on repeats. It's well done, historically realistic, and visually stunning. Mirren and Jeremy Irons are fantastic in it. (And of course, that necessitated a rewatch of "Elizabeth" with Cate Blanchett, which is always a pleasure to view.)

Watched "Jarhead" with DH, and was very surprised that I liked it. But I love Sam Mendes's work, and this was no exception. Now, I don't like war movies, as a rule, but this broke the mold and really explored the emotional side of modern warfare. Interesting...

And we watched "The Corpse Bride" with the girls, and what a delightfully twisted fairytale that was. The girls were just enchanted---and even figured out the "twist" early on in the movie. They continue to love "The Man Who Is Willie Wonka", otherwise known as Johnny Depp.

Okay, enough randomness for now... :)

Like franthewndrhrse (from whom I nabbed this meme), I am 24% evil... the most dangerous kind. But I knew that. ;)

You Are 24% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

And it's a great excuse to use this wonderful Snape icon... ;)

Cower before my slight, almost one-quarter of pure evil! ;)

I need help, O wise flist!

I'm getting started at the last minute on this, but if you've been reading my (infrequent) entries, you know that my time's been limited lately. My work partner, D., is getting married on Saturday and I've got to come up with a wedding gift, pronto!

And this is a special case. Both the bride and groom are in their 50s, and it's the second marriage for both. Both are enjoying a happy, healthy relationship for the first time after miserable years in their respective first marriage. He's from Tennessee, while she's from Northern Ireland. They met online, struck up a strong friendship, which turned into more, and before they knew it, they were each crossing the Atlantic every few months to be together.

They've been ready to marry for the last year, but it's taken some time for her controlling ex-husband to agree to officially divorce her, although they have been separated for years. Her ex's time was up in early March, and since then, she's been here in TN, and they've been busy working out her immigration details and planning their wedding.

And they're both deliriously happy that the universe has provided such love, such connection.

So you see, they're a special couple, and I'd like to give them some kind of gift that speaks of coming together against great odds, of a union of souls.

At this stage in their lives, they don't need anything, so the usual housewares stuff that one might buy for a young couple doesn't really apply. Any ideas would be so helpful and so appreciated.

Wishing the happiest of birthdays to toniann!

I hope you have a fabulous day and a wonderful year to come!

Because rowan_d tagged me:

Once you are tagged you MUST write a blog entry about your 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next six people to be tagged and list their names.

( Only six? )

Whew! We made it through the storms last night, which rocked pretty hard for hours. We coasted through the thunder, lightning and rain, putting the girls to bed and enjoying a meal of tomato and bread salad, seared scallops with lemon and garlic, and a bottle of lovely Greek wine that DH had found. The power flickered once or twice, the house shook from the crashes and booms, but the girls were so exhausted that they slept through the whole storm.

This morning there's a small creek running through our backyard and branches litter the grass. Our only major casualty was an old oak tree in the woods behind our backyard that my husband had been pondering about the best way to cut it down without damage. It fell perfectly, at an angle that damaged nothing, and it could have taken out our deck, the girls' swing set, even hit our roof. So we were extremely lucky.

Others in my state were not so lucky, and my heart goes out to all the families who lost their homes or loved ones. Nature is both capricious and constant, fierce and beautiful, wild and wise. And the beautiful blue skies of this morning that followed the carnage of last night are just a reminder that we all need to soak in the beauty when it appears to us.

So I'm breathing it in today.

Hello LJ! It's been a while. :)

I've been gifted with a delicious few minutes without a million things to do for the first time in a couple of weeks. Soon I'll pop out for break and by the time I come back UPS and Fed-Ex will have delivered another package for the catalog I'm designing, so this brief respite will be over. While I have my head above water, I thought I'd check in.

Since my lovely and much needed vacation in which I logged lots of beach time and stockpiled a lot of zen, I've been stretched pretty thin at work with several very time-consuming design projects. Two gun wholesalers' catalogs, one oil-industry catalog, an aviation real estate flyer, along with small projects sprinkled here and there. (Yes, our clients are so very glamorous... sheesh! ::eyerolls:: I just wish we'd get one client who was geared to the women's demographic.)

Lots and lots of overtime, so when I get home I don't even want to touch a computer. It's been hard to keep up with you LJ folk, not to mention real life friends and family. I just keep reminding myself to breathe deeply and realize that there is an end in sight. My job is not always like this; it doesn't always consume my entire life. That hasn't stopped me from daydreaming about other options, though. The publishing industry has an irritating tendency to drain your soul---it would be nice to live without the pressure of constant deadlines for a change, that's for sure.

I re-read Julia Cameron's The Right to Write over vacation, and she's so wonderful for getting me reenergized and reinvested in writing. She makes it seem so doable, even within the constraints of a busy life. I furiously scribbled over vacation and the weekend after. Sadly, my utter lack of time since returning to work has tempered that a lot.

But this is temporary. Breathe in, breathe out. Life pulses in ebbs ands flows. There will be time for my writing again. There will be time for my art again. This particular moment I need to be content with what is, but keep writing in my paper journal, keep the energy flowing until there is time to really accomplish something.

On top of all that, poor little C's been sick since Saturday night with a persistent stomach bug, so DH and I've been juggling our time. I've been staying with her in the morning, then coming in late to work and staying late at night to make up work time and meet my deadlines. We sent her back to school yesterday and she did fine, but was drained by the time she got home. It will definitely need to be a low-key weekend so that the little bear can fully recover.

In other news, here's a belated congratulations to lisaalvarado, whose first novel, Sister Chicas was released this week. She's a fabulous writer and so deserving of publication. My copy's on the way from Amazon and I can't wait to read it! Lisa, you're an inspiration!

Still have not seen "V For Vendetta". Still want to see it. It is good... isn't it, people?

And here's a gift---a great song I stumbled onto through a music blog. This is a new-to-me band, Guillemots, and while I haven't heard any of their other stuff, I love the energy and the early U2 sound they've got going on in this song. See what you think.
Trains to Brazil

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough for now. (I've spotted some fun memes on my flist, which I may attempt and torture my flist with while I wait for my package.)

Otherwise, have a wonderful weekend, folks!

Sheesh! The breakneck pace of this week continues unabated as I do what seems like the design work of five women. Staying late to finish one job so that I'll have time to do the two (or three) jobs that are due to come in tomorrow. And I'm snatching a bit of time to type this just to make myself feel better---pretending that I have time to, say, breathe or something.

Friday cannot get here fast enough!!!! Of course, at this rate, I'll be too fried to enjoy my vacation.

And all the squeeing I'd like to be doing about that BSG season finale that I can't get out of my head continues to remain un-squeed. I haven't had a season finale tear me up like that since Season 2 of XF (poor Mulder in the burning boxcar!), (although maybe the "I'm pregnant" finale from S7 runs a close second), but I'm telling you, it's that level of anxiety! :) If anyone wants to discuss, let me know. (Like I'd have time, but anyway...)

I still haven't finished watching the SG-1 finale, either. Got about halfway through it last night before collapsing, but I enjoyed what I saw.

And if none of this makes any sense, blame it on my overworked, goofy mind.

Back to the salt mines for me...

Best Pictures meme taken from quite a few people on my flist...

Bold = I've seen it.

( Best Pictures )

Today at lunch I had this stupid craving for McDonald's french fries, and even though I had packed a healthy lunch, I found myself driving to the ATM to get cash. However, the line was insanely long, and I battled with myself while the cars ahead of me advanced slowly.

As precious moments of my lunch hour ticked slowly by, I realized this was probably a sign, so I backed up and left the bank, and ate the delicious lunch that I had planned to eat: leftover pasta puttanesca and a great salad with mixed baby greens. I enjoyed every delicious drop and I laughed at my stupidity. Who would pass up a lunch like that for fatty, greasy cardboard fries?

Why do we resist things that we know are good for us? Time after time, we sabotage our most noble intentions, our best efforts, and I should know, because I'm a prime culprit. It's just like the neglect of my writing habits that I wrote about yesterday.

Overall, the choices we make are to blame. I say I don't have time because I don't want to make time. I don't make time because I fear I have nothing to say. When you give in to that kind of mindset, you might as well go for the metaphoric french fries. What I need to remember is that whatever sort of writing I happen to do, whether it's a blog entry or a staggering work of genius (ha!), it all counts. It's all the creative equivalent of choosing not to go to McDonald's, of choosing instead to work with what I have.

And perhaps I could have chosen a more elegant metaphor, but, hey, I'm workin' with what I have here. ;)

A couple of people replied to my writing time questions, and I really appreciate it. Truly. Thanks so much, gals. ::hugs::

It really does inspire me to see other people who are making the time to write because they love it. I love it when I'm writing regularly. I certainly feel more like myself, more in tune with my thoughts and the world around me, than at any other time. And that's the kind of thing I need to hold onto to get me through bumpy afternoons like this one.

Today I have two posts. One was a rather happy, contemplative epiphany that I'd been writing off and on this afternoon, and it will follow. Meanwhile, there have been developments, ahem, here at work and I need to bitch for a moment. 'Cause that's what these things are for sometimes, right?

Okay.

Last month I cleared three days of vacation time, from March 20 to 22. And getting those three days was like pulling teeth, let me tell you! In the last two days and particularly this afternoon, our sales rep has booked every single design job that I do, except for ONE, for next week AND the week I go to Florida!!!! So I'm going to have to work like a madwoman next week just to go on this trip. And now I also feel like crap, because I'm going to have to stick one of our in-house publications designers, who will be totally unfamiliar with the stupid quirks of our commercial clients, with some of these jobs. And then there's my control freak side that doesn't want ANYONE ELSE touching my jobs. I'm mad and sick, I tell you! It should not be this difficult to take vacation time!!!!)

::end rant::